Dreams
Recently, I had a dream in which I started feeling rather dizzy because I could bounce very high into the sky and then take off flying. Let me just note that I don't often dream of flying. (Usually, I am very stuck to the ground in dreams.) It was wonderful, I was having a wonderful if slightly nauseous time, and I realized in my dream that I was dreaming. I even remember thinking, "This is a lucid dream!" And then, of course, that ruined the whole thing and I woke up.
Except for that dream, I haven't really had time lately to remember and reflect on what I have been dreaming at night. I know I've had some "boring" dreams and some intense dreams, but none that are truly memorable beyond the first moments of waking up. I used to, before my living son was born, write down even bits and portions of dreams when I woke up, if they made any impression on me.
Even after he was born, I did write down a dream I had because it was important. I had dreamed that I had just given birth to a third baby boy. This is significant because before I had my first two boys (my first baby boy, now an angel, had congenital heart defects that I will discuss in a future post later this month), I had dreams prior to their conceptions that I would be having a girl. With each, they turned out to be boys. With this dream of having a boy (and in the dream our living son was there to meet him, and I told the nurse - in the dream - that our other son was already there to meet and love his newest little brother), I am almost assuming this means we will have a girl next time. I would like to have a healthy little girl, just for clarification, someday.
The other important dream that I've had in the last few years was a little over a year after our first son died. I had had no dreams of him at all up to that point, and then early one morning, I woke up crying tears of joy and happiness and disappointment and grief all at once. In the dream, I was back in the hospital by S's bed, and suddenly he wasn't attached to the ventilator anymore. He was very small but looked very, very healthy. His fingertips were pink! He was breathing on his own. The nurses smiled at me and let me alone with him. I went to him, and bent to kiss him. He said - spoke - "You needed to see me, Mommy. I love you."
I heard his voice, and that was what I needed badly just at that point in time.
Over that years, I've had many tornado dreams. When I was 11 (before anyone had really ever heard of storm chasing), I had a dream in which there were at least twenty tornadoes (lots of twisting funnel clouds, too). . . and I had a camera that didn't work! That has been a recurring nightmare - not the tornado, but the fact that my camera in the dream did not have film (before digital), did not have batteries, was not charged, and even one dream just a couple of years ago where I ran out of room on the memory card!
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